Men’s Mental Health: Why Talking Really Matters

Author: Joseph Oakes

Men’s mental health is something we need to talk about more openly.

For many men, talking about emotions can feel difficult. Society has often taught men that they should be strong, independent and able to deal with problems on their own. From a young age, many of us are told to “man up”, stop being emotional and carry on.

I know how these expectations can affect you because I have experienced them myself.

Living in the world as a man has given me an opportunity to look closely at my own mental health and become more self-aware of how societal pressures have influenced the way I think, feel and deal with difficult emotions. Sometimes we can become so used to hiding how we feel that we stop recognising what is actually going on inside us.

As a counsellor, I believe this awareness is important. Understanding our own emotions can be difficult, particularly when we have spent years being taught not to show them.

One of the biggest problems men can face is feeling that they cannot express emotion. Crying, for example, can feel impossible for some men. But not being able to cry does not mean that you do not have emotions.

Sometimes an emotion needs to be understood and expressed in a different way.

Talking can be one of those ways.

Counselling can provide a space where you do not have to pretend that everything is okay. You do not have to be strong for somebody else. You do not have to have all the answers. You can simply talk about what is happening and begin to understand what you are feeling.

Speaking about mental health does not make a man weak. In fact, I believe it can take considerable strength to be honest about how you are feeling.

Sometimes we do not realise how much we are carrying until we finally have somewhere safe to put it.

Counselling can help men explore emotions, relationships, self-esteem, anxiety, anger, stress, identity and the pressures they experience in everyday life. It can also help us understand where some of our thoughts and behaviours come from.

For me, being a man is not about having no emotions. It is about learning how to understand and live with those emotions.

We do not need to change who we are. We need to create more opportunities for men to be heard.

Mental health support should be accessible to every man, regardless of age or background. You do not need to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.

Sometimes, simply having someone listen without judgement can be the beginning of something changing.

Talking really does matter.

And sometimes, when crying feels impossible, finding the words can be the first step towards releasing an emotion that you have been carrying for far too long.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do men sometimes struggle to talk about their mental health?

Many men grow up with messages that they should be strong, independent and able to deal with problems themselves. This can make asking for help feel uncomfortable or even like a sign of weakness. Over time, men may become used to hiding difficult emotions rather than talking about them.

Does talking about mental health actually help?

Yes. Talking can help you understand what you are feeling and why you might be feeling it. Sometimes putting thoughts into words can make them feel less overwhelming. You do not necessarily need someone to give you an answer. Sometimes being listened to is important in itself.

What if I cannot cry?

Not being able to cry does not mean you are not emotional. People experience and express emotions differently. Some men may feel sadness, frustration or pain without being able to cry. Counselling can provide other ways of exploring and expressing those emotions.

Is counselling only for men with serious mental health problems?

No. Counselling can be useful at many different points in life. You might be struggling with stress, relationships, confidence, identity, work or simply feeling that something is not right. You do not need to wait until you reach breaking point.

Does asking for counselling make me weak?

No. Asking for support is a decision to look after yourself. Being honest about your emotions can require courage, particularly if you have spent much of your life being told not to show them.

What can I talk about in counselling?

You can talk about whatever feels important to you. This could include relationships, anxiety, anger, stress, loneliness, confidence, identity, family, work or experiences from your past. Counselling is a space where you can explore these things without having to pretend everything is okay.

Why is men's mental health important?

Men's mental health matters because emotional wellbeing is an important part of overall health. When men have opportunities to talk openly and access appropriate support, they can begin to understand their emotions rather than feeling that they have to manage everything alone.

How can I start talking about my mental health?

You do not need to know exactly what to say. You could simply start with, “I'm finding things difficult at the moment,” or “I don't really understand how I'm feeling.” You can take the conversation from there.

Joseph Oakes
BACP Registered Person-Centred Counsellor