Why I Became a Counsellor!

People often ask me why I decided to become a counsellor. The answer isn't simply that I wanted to help others, it came from my own experiences of trying to find support and feeling like I didn't quite fit.

I discovered I was autistic at the age of 30. Looking back, so many things suddenly made sense. For years, I had felt different from other people, but I couldn't explain why. The world often felt confusing, overwhelming, and exhausting. Social situations were difficult to navigate, and I spent much of my life trying to understand why everyday experiences seemed so much harder for me than they appeared to be for others.

After receiving my diagnosis, I reached out for counselling, hoping it would help me make sense of what I was experiencing. Instead, I left feeling more confused than when I started. After only four sessions, I was discharged because the counselling wasn't considered to be helping.

At the time, I blamed myself. I wondered why I couldn't engage with therapy in the way that seemed to be expected. It wasn't until much later that I began to realise the problem wasn't a lack of willingness or motivation, it was that the counselling approach hadn't been designed with autistic people in mind.

Many of the counselling theories still taught today were developed decades ago, with some originating in the 1950s. At that time, autism was poorly understood, particularly in adults. High-masking or what was once referred to as "high-functioning" autism was rarely recognised, and many autistic people simply went unnoticed. As a result, traditional counselling approaches were never developed with autistic experiences, communication styles, or ways of processing emotions in mind.

That doesn't mean counselling can't help autistic people. It absolutely can. But it often needs to be adapted. It requires a therapist who understands neurodiversity and is willing to meet someone where they are, rather than expecting them to fit neatly into a therapeutic model that wasn't created with them in mind.

My own experience inspired me to train as a counsellor. I wanted to become the therapist I wish I had met when I first reached out for support. Someone who would be curious instead of assuming. Someone who would understand that silence, literal thinking, sensory overwhelm, or difficulty identifying emotions are not barriers to therapy, they are simply part of how some people experience the world.

Today, I work with autistic adults, young people, and other neurodivergent clients, alongside people experiencing anxiety, depression, identity questions, and life's many challenges. My aim is to create a space where clients don't feel they have to mask or explain every part of themselves before therapy can begin.

Becoming a counsellor has been about more than changing careers. It has been about turning my own experience into something meaningful. If my journey helps even one person feel understood, accepted, and supported in a way that I wasn't, then it has been worth every step.

Everyone deserves therapy that recognises who they are, not therapy that expects them to become someone else first.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why did you become a counsellor?

I became a counsellor because of my own experiences. After finding out I was autistic at 30, I realised why counselling hadn't worked for me in the past. I wanted to become the counsellor I wish I'd had, someone who understands autism and accepts people for who they are.

Are you autistic?

Yes, I am autistic. This helps me understand some of the challenges that autistic people face. I know that everyone's experience is different, but I understand what it can feel like to live in a world that isn't always built for autistic people.

Can counselling help autistic people?

Yes. Counselling can be very helpful when it is adapted to the person. Everyone is different, so therapy should fit your needs, not expect you to fit a certain way of working.

Why didn't counselling help you?

When I first had counselling, I felt that I wasn't understood. After four sessions, I was told it wasn't helping. Looking back, I don't think the counselling was adapted for an autistic person. That experience inspired me to train as a counsellor.

Do I need to hide who I am in therapy?

No. You don't need to mask or pretend to be someone else. My aim is to create a space where you can be yourself without worrying about being judged.

Do you only work with autistic clients?

No. I work with people from all walks of life. I support adults and young people with anxiety, depression, stress, low confidence, men's mental health, gender identity, and many other challenges.

What happens in the first session?

The first session is a chance for us to get to know each other. We'll talk about what has brought you to counselling and what you would like help with. There is no pressure, and we will go at a pace that feels right for you.

How do I know if you're the right counsellor?

The relationship between you and your counsellor is important. If you are looking for someone who listens without judgement, understands neurodiversity, and accepts you as you are, I would be happy to talk with you.

Joseph Oakes
BACP Registered Person-Centred Counsellor